An Open Letter to a Mother Suffering from a Miscarriage

This text is a part of the Open Letters sequence.

Expensive Sister,

In case you’re studying this letter, then I assume you—or somebody you dearly love—is affected by a miscarriage. You didn’t plan to stroll this painful path, and maybe solely hours or days in the past you had been making very completely different plans. Having already welcomed just a little one into your coronary heart, you eagerly anticipated welcoming a new child into your loved ones and residential. As a substitute, you’re left with an empty womb, empty arms, and an empty cradle. Your coronary heart is filled with sorrow, and your eyes overflow with tears.

I wish to begin by saying I’m actually sorry. I’m sorry—as I think about those that love you might be additionally sorry, although they could wrestle to precise themselves or to understand how that will help you. We’re sorry in your layers of loss, your bodily and emotional ache, this expertise of loss of life in a sacred area designed for all times, and the unhappy impacts of sin on this fallen world (Gen. 3:16). Conception is meant to imply new child life, not untimely loss of life, and but, right here you might be, dealing with one in all your worst fears. It may be troublesome, if not not possible, to wrap one’s thoughts round this actuality. And it may be equally difficult to get up one other morning to the identical heartache and vacancy.

It’s possible you’ll really feel confused proper now. That’s okay. You would possibly overflow with questions. That’s okay too. However maintain trying to Jesus.

My hope in scripting this letter is to fulfill you the place you might be. To affix you as you stare loss of life within the face and declare that it received’t have the ultimate say. It received’t be the top of your story. There may be hope past the grave as a result of Jesus lives.

Battle the Lies

Once I miscarried my child, it took months to establish among the lies I used to be entertaining. Whether or not you’re nonetheless reeling from a current take a look at end result otherwise you’ve been strolling this path for some time, perhaps you’re tempted to imagine that your physique’s wrestle to conceive and maintain a being pregnant is your fault, that it’s some type of retribution in your previous sins, and even that you simply’re cursed.

These are all lies. They aren’t true.

If you’re a Christian, saved by grace via religion in Jesus, then our Lord took the curse in your sins in his physique on the cross (Gal. 3:13). You might be redeemed. Your child didn’t die in your sins; Jesus did. And thru his life, you now reside.

Your miscarriage doesn’t indicate that God doesn’t love or care about you. We have to struggle these lies with the reality of Scripture, which declares that nothing “in all creation” will be capable to separate God’s adopted, beloved daughters from his love (Rom. 8:39)—not even infertility, miscarriage, untimely start, or a stillbirth.

As a substitute of letting lies loop in your head, “take each thought captive to obey Christ” (2 Cor. 10:6) and “take into consideration what’s true” (Phil. 4:8). How do you do that? Hold studying God’s phrase (even in bite-size chunks), play worship music (discover your non secular “struggle” songs), hearken to Sunday’s message (even in case you’re recovering at dwelling), and ask a good friend to wish for you (particularly when it’s arduous so that you can pray). Remind your self of what’s true.¹

You Are Not Alone

Although chances are you’ll really feel very alone proper now, particularly in case you hadn’t but shared the information of your being pregnant along with your broader circle of family and friends, you be part of a fellowship of moms who grieve a mess of sorrows associated to motherhood. Extra importantly, Jesus, our Savior, was “a person of sorrows and acquainted with grief” (Isa. 53:3). He understands our struggling and sympathizes with our weaknesses, and once we draw close to to him, we will anticipate to “obtain mercy and discover grace to assist in our time of want” (Heb. 4:16).

Maybe you’ve been surrounded by supportive individuals who’ve wept with you and introduced meals. In that case, they’re proof of God’s look after you. However when your mates should transfer on with their lives, or ought to an prolonged member of the family counsel it’s time so that you can recover from your grief, our Lord continues to stroll with you in your journey. He says, “Concern not, for I’m with you” (Isa. 41:10), and he won’t ever go away or forsake you (Josh. 1:5; Heb. 13:5). “A bruised reed he won’t break, and a faintly burning wick he won’t quench” (Isa. 42:3), so absolutely the Lord will probably be merciful to you—his daughter—in your hardest days. He’s completely loving, all the time affected person, and type (1 Cor. 13:4). And he has good functions for you within the strategy of your lament and therapeutic.

God intends to show you truths that you simply may not study on a better path. There are treasures he will provide you with on this darkish season (Isa. 45:3). It’s his plan to make you extra like Jesus (Rom. 8:38–39). And there’s future, everlasting glory he’s storing up for you (2 Cor. 4:17).

We grieve as girls who share a dwelling hope due to our risen Savior.

God’s Consolation Is Yours

Scripture might not spell out all the solutions to all your questions. You may not know what went fallacious, if you’ll ever carry a child full-term, how lengthy your coronary heart will ache, why God permits such deep struggling, or how to consider your child and eternity. Thriller surrounds miscarriage, and Deuteronomy 29:29 tells us that “the key issues belong to the LORD our God.” Nevertheless, the identical verse continues, declaring that “the issues that are revealed belong to us and to our kids ceaselessly.” And sister, what God has revealed provides nice consolation to hurting mothers.

First, Psalm 139 assures us that our Lord kinds life within the womb. Your toddler’s growing body wasn’t hidden from him. Our God, who’s all over the place, was in that place. Earlier than an ultrasound or heartbeat was detected, our all-knowing God noticed your toddler’s “unformed substance,” and in his e-book, every single day of your child’s life was written. How treasured are such ideas!

Subsequent, you may have the consolation of God’s character and his guarantees. You recognize the “Father of mercies and God of all consolation, who comforts us in all our affliction” (2 Cor. 1:3–4). He’s holy, sensible, sovereign, good, devoted, gracious, forgiving, highly effective, and a lot extra. Due to this fact, we will belief his nice guarantees to maintain, strengthen, assist, maintain, and love us (1 Pet. 1:3–5). You would possibly discover it useful to meditate on the attributes of God.²

As you depend upon the Lord, he received’t help you be tempted past your capacity, “however with the temptation he may even present the way in which of escape, that you simply could possibly endure it” (1 Cor. 10:13). And you may financial institution on the sufficiency of God’s grace, for his “energy is made good in weak point” (2 Cor. 12:9). Cling to those truths at this time. And if that’s arduous to do, ask the Lord that will help you.

Grieve with Hope

On this facet of eternity, we grieve our losses—the little ones we carried however didn’t maintain, the on a regular basis moments we are going to miss and the celebrations that received’t happen. However we don’t grieve “as others do who don’t have any hope” (1 Thess. 4:13). Relatively, we grieve as girls who share a dwelling hope due to our risen Savior.

Our heavenly Father is aware of what it’s like not solely to endure the lack of a beloved little one however to present his very Son. “For God so beloved the world, that he gave his solely Son, that whoever believes in him shouldn’t perish however have everlasting life” (John 3:16). Our hope, for ourselves in addition to our households, rests solely and fully on this treasured present. Due to the gospel, . . .

We now have the hope of Jesus.

We now have the hope of heaven.

We now have the hope that, in the future, all issues will probably be made new, all our tears will probably be wiped away, and loss of life will probably be no extra (Rev. 21:4).

Do you’re feeling needy? Look to Jesus. Do you’re feeling weary or faint-hearted? Contemplate him and take coronary heart (Heb. 12:–3). Although at this time could be darkish and cloudy, the Lord walks with you, and you’ll grieve with hope.

In Christ,
Katie

Katie Faris is the writer of Every Hour I Need You: 30 Meditations for Moms on the Character of God.

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