An Open Letter to the Spouse of an Unbeliever

This text is a part of the Open Letters sequence.

Expensive Good friend,

I heard that you’re married to an unbeliever and will use some encouragement. I want you and I may sit down over espresso collectively and I may hear about your particular struggles. However for now, I pray that God will graciously use my phrases right here to consolation and strengthen you.

God has some particular directions for a believer married to an unbeliever. Since God instructions believers to not marry an unbeliever, you may surprise, Does God need me to remain married to my unbelieving partner? Fortunately, God’s phrase is obvious. Regardless of how you bought right here, in case your unbelieving partner consents to reside with you, you shouldn’t get divorced. (1 Cor. 7:12–16) When you have youngsters, elevate them as Christians, as finest as you possibly can by God’s grace.

This similar passage says that in case your partner decides to go away you, nonetheless unhappy this can be, let your partner go. You might be known as to peace. It isn’t your fault, and the Lord will maintain you.

Whereas we are able to thank God for his clear directions about whether or not or not you must keep married, a seamless marriage to an unbeliever can nonetheless go away you with some critical hardships. What encouragement does God’s phrase give you as you face these challenges? Loads.

Regardless of the kind of trial, when I’m searching for encouragement in my struggling, I like to show to the professional: the apostle Paul. He suffered at an Olympic stage (see 2 Cor. 11:16–33 for a protracted listing), and he not solely survived however he thrived! How does this work? Paul thought-about every part a loss in comparison with the surpassing price of understanding Christ Jesus his Lord. (Phil. 3:8) Will you contemplate making Paul’s goal in his struggling your goal in your marriage? Are you able to contemplate your marriage to your unbelieving partner as God’s invitation so that you can get to know him higher by struggling?

You may surprise, What particular truths about God can fulfill me in my marriage to an unbeliever? Listed below are ten:

1. God is with you.

Even while you’re married, you might generally really feel lonely. This is sensible. As long as you might be united to Jesus and your partner just isn’t, an invisible gulf separates you two. Whilst you might generally expertise loneliness, you aren’t alone in it. God is with you, and he won’t ever go away you or forsake you. (Heb. 13:5; Deut. 31:6) Let his presence consolation you.

2. God is mighty to save lots of. (Zeph. 3:17)

Years of watching somebody reject Jesus can tempt you to suppose your partner is past God’s attain. Bear in mind: the one who made the mountains, the one who parted the seas and raised Jesus from the useless—he can save your partner. Nothing is unattainable for God. Look what number of occasions folks within the Bible wanted to listen to this: Matthew 19:26; Luke 1:37; Mark 10:27; Job 42:2; Jeremiah 32:17; Genesis 18:14; and Luke 18:27! Sing this fact, drive it into your coronary heart, and hold praying in your partner’s salvation. Don’t surrender. God can soften your partner’s coronary heart, even immediately. (Ezek. 36:26)

3. God alone has the facility to save lots of.

You’ll be able to’t save your partner! In your earnest want in your partner’s salvation, you might be tempted to suppose, If solely I pray sufficient and if solely I reside a extra godly life, my partner can be saved. Don’t be fooled. Neglect the if onlys. You don’t get the credit score or the blame in your partner’s non secular state. Salvation is all of God’s grace and his alone. Romans 8:30 makes God’s sovereign position in salvation clear: “these whom he predestined he additionally known as, and people whom he known as he additionally justified, and people whom he justified he additionally glorified.” Your partner’s salvation is all of him!

4. God can use you in your partner’s salvation.

When you are not chargeable for your partner’s salvation, God can use you. (1 Peter 3:1–2) Simply consider who he utilized in your salvation! Mother and father, buddies, a pastor? Let your distinctive alternative for use by God add that means, goal, and pleasure to your life.

5. God delights to reply prayer. (Ps. 37:4; John 16:23–24; 1 Peter 3:12)

Maintain praying in your partner. When you have slacked off in prayer (and who hasn’t?), ask God to forgive you and that can assist you to start out praying once more till the day God brings your partner to salvation. Ask God to point out his saving grace to your partner, not simply in your comfort however in your partner’s good and for the glory of God’s grace. And what a possibility it’s a must to present God’s grace! Use your data of your partner to not retailer up complaints in opposition to your partner however to tell your prayers in your partner. Bear in mind, Jesus ever lives to intercede for you. It’s your privilege to move God’s grace on by interceding in your partner.

God desires to save lots of his folks, and in his timing he’ll. So don’t lose coronary heart.

6. God forgives all of your sins.

Do you catch your self generally not eager to move God’s grace on to your partner? If you discover your coronary heart wanting to carry a grudge, heed Jesus’s gracious warning within the parable of the unforgiving servant. (Matt. 18:21–35) He was rebuked for not forgiving a small debt after he had been forgiven a big one. Do not forget that God doesn’t deal with us as our sins deserve. (Ps. 103:10, 12) Certainly, he retains no document of our wrongs. (1Cor. 13:5; Micah 7:19) Will you, in reliance upon God’s grace, resist the temptation to maintain a document of your partner’s wrongs, and as an alternative, obey God’s command to forgive your partner simply as God, in Christ, has forgiven you? (Eph. 4:32) If that’s the case, this can be a strong every day testimony to your misplaced partner.

7. God is working. (John 5:17)

Don’t be too discouraged by your partner’s sin. The presence of sin doesn’t imply God just isn’t at work in your partner’s life. Bear in mind, whereas we had been but sinners, Christ died for us. (Rom. 5:8) In case you face critical sin directed in direction of you or your youngsters, flip to your elders, your pastor, and devoted counselors to help you in discerning a smart path. Security might require non permanent or everlasting separation out of your unbelieving partner. However it won’t. What alternatives is God supplying you with to spotlight the gospel even amidst sin?

8. God is conforming you to the picture of Christ. (Col. 3:10; Rom. 8:29; 2 Cor. 3:18)

It’s possible you’ll really feel the lack of desires you had for your self, how your property could be run, how your youngsters could be raised, and the way you’ll share your deepest longings. Maybe your closest buddies get pleasure from these blessings, making you all of the extra painfully conscious of what you lack. Bear in mind, God calls every of us to die to self and to serve others in love—whether or not we’re married or single, wholesome or sick, wealthy or poor. In God’s windfall, your struggling, not less than a portion of it, comes by your being married to an unbeliever. What assurance can you discover that God will use your marriage to an unbeliever to evolve you to the picture of Christ? (Rom. 8:28–29)

9. God is for you.

You may surprise, If God is for me, why hasn’t he given me a believing partner? Whereas God’s phrase doesn’t reply this query, it does let you know in no unsure phrases that he’s not punishing you. There is no such thing as a condemnation for many who are in Christ Jesus. (Rom. 8:1) God nonetheless offers us fatherly self-discipline to guide us to repentance, however he doesn’t punish us. Christ took all the punishment for our sins. Will you belief God that he’s not utilizing your marriage hardships to punish you however to refine you? (James 1:2)

10. God’s timing is ideal. (Hab. 2:3)

You doubtless want your partner was saved yesterday, if not earlier than! However God’s methods are usually not our methods, and his timing just isn’t our timing. (Isa. 55:8–9) His methods are greater, and his timing is ideal. Hear the apostle Peter converse to this, and apply it to you: “However don’t overlook this one reality, beloved, that with the Lord someday is as a thousand years, and a thousand years as someday. The Lord just isn’t gradual to satisfy his promise as some rely slowness, however is affected person towards you, not wishing that any ought to perish, however that each one ought to attain repentance” (2 Peter 3:8). God desires to save lots of his folks, and in his timing, he’ll. So don’t lose coronary heart. Wait patiently. (Lam. 3:25–26) Take a look at others like Esther, Ruth, and Joseph, whose lives in hindsight displayed God’s excellent timing with readability. How is God encouraging you to belief his timing in your marriage to an unbeliever?

As I shut, I don’t wish to go away you alone. I urge you to proceed going to church and assembly with different Christians for Bible examine and prayer. Don’t be too shy to ask for prayer. The apostle Paul and Jesus did! I might love to listen to how God solutions these prayers for you and your partner. Right here is my prayer for you:

Expensive Father, I reward you that you’re with my pal. You might be mighty to save lots of, and also you alone can save. Would you please use my pal in your plan of salvation? Please present your enjoyment of answering prayer, and save my pal’s partner. Could my pal rejoice in the way you forgive all our sins, how you might be at work even now, and the way you might be conforming us to the picture of your Son. Please give my pal endurance to belief your excellent timing. I belief you’ll reveal your self in my pal’s marriage, all for reward of your glory. Within the identify of the one and solely excellent bridegroom to the church, our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. Amen.

Your sister in Christ,
Emily

Emily Van Dixhoorn is coauthor with Chad Van Dixhoorn of Gospel-Shaped Marriage: Grace for Sinners to Love Like Saints.

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